Attachment Parenting
What is Attachment Parenting?
Attachment parenting is a term that was coined by Pediatrician Dr. William Sears. It is basically a parenting approach that is based on principles of the attachment theory in developmental psychology. A strong emotional bond with parents through the childhood years is known as a secure attachment which then results in a child who grows up to be a more secure and empathetic adult. Dr. William Sears refers to 7 attachment parenting tools which help children and parents get off to a good start to form an attachment bond early on. This type of parenting is an approach to parenting which is very natural. It will help you to become more sensitive to the needs of your child and build a deeper relationship. Being connected with your child early on creates children who succeed and have a desire to help others. Studies are showing that children who are raised with security grow up to be far more independent and have fewer problems as adults. They are much more capable of coping with problems and have a deeper sense of appreciation and empathy for others.
The Seven Attachment Tools
1). BIRTH BONDING
The way a baby and parents get their start in life with one another allows early attachment to develop. The most time sensitive period are the days and weeks after birth. A close attachment birth allows for the biological attachment promoting behaviors from the infant and the care giving qualities of the mother to join together. Both mother and baby get off to a good start at the most vulnerable time in the Childs life. Sometimes medical complications get in the way of immediate bonding which, but then catch up bonding should happen as soon as possible. Bonding is a series of steps that takes a lifetime to develop. Getting that bonding time in right away just gives the relationship an early start.
2). BREASTFEEDING
Breastfeeding is a special time to get to know your baby. It gives your baby the best nourishment. It contains special brain-building nutrients which cannot be made by man. It promotes the right chemistry between a mother and child. The simple act of breastfeeding stimulates the body to produce oxytocin and prolactin. These are known as the "mothering hormones" which give a mother a feeling of extreme happiness and closeness toward her child.
3). BABYWEARING
When you wear your baby in a sling you give him the comfort that he had while he was securely attached to you in the womb. This is especially helpful for fussy babies with colic as it helps them get through this rough time. Carried babies tend to fuss less and they often spend more time in a quiet alert state. It improves sensitivity of the parents and helps you to feel close to your baby. Baby wearing has been used a method to comfort and travel with babies for thousands of years. In some countries, they wear their baby’s so much that they don't touch the ground until they are 9 months old. Once they reach this age a special ground touching ceremony is held.
4). BEDDING CLOSE TO BABY
The ideal place for a baby to sleep is where the entire family gets the best sleep. It is important to set up the right arrangement for your family. Co- sleeping provides additional nighttime touch which can help parents to re connect with their child in the evening. This is especially nice for parents who work during the day. Nighttime can be scary for little people and studies show that infants breathe in rhythm with their mothers. Keeping a baby close at night helps the mother and baby to biologically connect. This has been known to reduce the risk of SIDS. However co-sleeping is not for every family. You should not co sleep if you drink, smoke, taking sleeping pills of any kind, or if you are extremely obese. There are also certain safety guidelines which must be followed.
5). BEWARE OF BABY TRAINERS
Many people including close friends and family members try to give advice when you are a new parent. Many people still go with the method of ferberizing “crying it out” to put their babies to sleep. They give this advice so bluntly yet they are not the ones who have the bond to the child and they are not the people who will have to listen to those cries. Studies show that the cry out method produces a fear in children early on and some children grow up with sleep problems because of this method. I myself have an extended family member who has sleeping problems because of this very method. Studies are now showing that more and more people who were subjected to ferberizing as infants grow up and have sleep problems. When a baby is left to cry alone in a dark room their blood pressure rises. The baby gets stressed and anxious and loses trust towards the parents. The cry out method teaches parents to be detached from their babies and only results in short term gains. The method may seem to be convenient to some parents but it actually creates a distance between parent and child. Babies are biologically wired with the need to be close to their parents and their cries are meant for us to respond to rather than ignore. Remember that you are the expert on your baby and you know what is best. Don’t listen to the advice of the baby trainers. As babies grow older they naturally learn to fall asleep on their own. I have seen this happen naturally with my son Jacob.
6). BELIEF IN THE LANGUAGE VALUE OF YOUR BABY’S CRY
Babies are meant to cry and their cry is a signal which is made for their survival. A baby usually doesn’t just cry for no apparent reason. Most of the time those the baby cries to fulfill a need. By responding to your baby’s cry in a sensitive way this helps the baby to realize that she can depend on her parents and that her parents will be responsive to her needs. This builds trust between parent and child. Babies cry to communicate and never to manipulate. A baby’s cry is the baby’s language.
7). BALANCE
Being balanced is very important when raising children. You don’t want to be too strict and you don’t want to let your child get away with everything either. Work with your partner to set goals in regards to how you want to parent your child. Be sure to also take time out for yourself and your partner to continue to build on your marriage or relationship. It is important to develop a skill to know when to say “yes” and when to say “no”. Accept help from others when needed.
Best Attachment Parenting Books
25 Things Every New Mother Should Know By Martha and William Sears
The Successful Child Book By Dr. Sears
The Christian Parenting Book By Dr. Sears
The Attachment Parenting Book By Dr. Sears
Attachment Parenting: Instinctive Care for your Baby and young Child by Katie Allison Granju
How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen so kids will talk
The Seven Attachment Tools
1). BIRTH BONDING
The way a baby and parents get their start in life with one another allows early attachment to develop. The most time sensitive period are the days and weeks after birth. A close attachment birth allows for the biological attachment promoting behaviors from the infant and the care giving qualities of the mother to join together. Both mother and baby get off to a good start at the most vulnerable time in the Childs life. Sometimes medical complications get in the way of immediate bonding which, but then catch up bonding should happen as soon as possible. Bonding is a series of steps that takes a lifetime to develop. Getting that bonding time in right away just gives the relationship an early start.
2). BREASTFEEDING
Breastfeeding is a special time to get to know your baby. It gives your baby the best nourishment. It contains special brain-building nutrients which cannot be made by man. It promotes the right chemistry between a mother and child. The simple act of breastfeeding stimulates the body to produce oxytocin and prolactin. These are known as the "mothering hormones" which give a mother a feeling of extreme happiness and closeness toward her child.
3). BABYWEARING
When you wear your baby in a sling you give him the comfort that he had while he was securely attached to you in the womb. This is especially helpful for fussy babies with colic as it helps them get through this rough time. Carried babies tend to fuss less and they often spend more time in a quiet alert state. It improves sensitivity of the parents and helps you to feel close to your baby. Baby wearing has been used a method to comfort and travel with babies for thousands of years. In some countries, they wear their baby’s so much that they don't touch the ground until they are 9 months old. Once they reach this age a special ground touching ceremony is held.
4). BEDDING CLOSE TO BABY
The ideal place for a baby to sleep is where the entire family gets the best sleep. It is important to set up the right arrangement for your family. Co- sleeping provides additional nighttime touch which can help parents to re connect with their child in the evening. This is especially nice for parents who work during the day. Nighttime can be scary for little people and studies show that infants breathe in rhythm with their mothers. Keeping a baby close at night helps the mother and baby to biologically connect. This has been known to reduce the risk of SIDS. However co-sleeping is not for every family. You should not co sleep if you drink, smoke, taking sleeping pills of any kind, or if you are extremely obese. There are also certain safety guidelines which must be followed.
5). BEWARE OF BABY TRAINERS
Many people including close friends and family members try to give advice when you are a new parent. Many people still go with the method of ferberizing “crying it out” to put their babies to sleep. They give this advice so bluntly yet they are not the ones who have the bond to the child and they are not the people who will have to listen to those cries. Studies show that the cry out method produces a fear in children early on and some children grow up with sleep problems because of this method. I myself have an extended family member who has sleeping problems because of this very method. Studies are now showing that more and more people who were subjected to ferberizing as infants grow up and have sleep problems. When a baby is left to cry alone in a dark room their blood pressure rises. The baby gets stressed and anxious and loses trust towards the parents. The cry out method teaches parents to be detached from their babies and only results in short term gains. The method may seem to be convenient to some parents but it actually creates a distance between parent and child. Babies are biologically wired with the need to be close to their parents and their cries are meant for us to respond to rather than ignore. Remember that you are the expert on your baby and you know what is best. Don’t listen to the advice of the baby trainers. As babies grow older they naturally learn to fall asleep on their own. I have seen this happen naturally with my son Jacob.
6). BELIEF IN THE LANGUAGE VALUE OF YOUR BABY’S CRY
Babies are meant to cry and their cry is a signal which is made for their survival. A baby usually doesn’t just cry for no apparent reason. Most of the time those the baby cries to fulfill a need. By responding to your baby’s cry in a sensitive way this helps the baby to realize that she can depend on her parents and that her parents will be responsive to her needs. This builds trust between parent and child. Babies cry to communicate and never to manipulate. A baby’s cry is the baby’s language.
7). BALANCE
Being balanced is very important when raising children. You don’t want to be too strict and you don’t want to let your child get away with everything either. Work with your partner to set goals in regards to how you want to parent your child. Be sure to also take time out for yourself and your partner to continue to build on your marriage or relationship. It is important to develop a skill to know when to say “yes” and when to say “no”. Accept help from others when needed.
Best Attachment Parenting Books
25 Things Every New Mother Should Know By Martha and William Sears
The Successful Child Book By Dr. Sears
The Christian Parenting Book By Dr. Sears
The Attachment Parenting Book By Dr. Sears
Attachment Parenting: Instinctive Care for your Baby and young Child by Katie Allison Granju
How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen so kids will talk
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